Have you ever wondered why you feel tired or drained when in a difficult relationship. It doesn’t matter whether it is a family situation, romantic relationship, work relationship or friendship. Some people just drain us of our energy.
A psychotherapist I worked with told me that in every unhealthy relationship there is a vampire and a bleeder. The bleeder is the stronger of the two. The bleeder has the life sucked out of them by the vampire. The vampire feeds off other people’s energy.
A nurturing, loving, empathetic person often turns out to be a bleeder while an egotistical, self-loving person is the vampire. Think about it. Do you have a vampire in your life? Or are you the vampire?
If you find yourself in a relationship like this, work out how to protect yourself from the vampire. A wooden stake isn’t going to help. You have set up boundaries, protect your energy and somehow de-fang this person or remove them from your life.
I’ve had a few vampires in my life over the years and protect myself in a number of ways. Firstly, I don’t let them know that they affect me. I visualise that I have a huge, impenetrable bubble around me that they can’t get through.
Okay – here’s a scenario – a part of my journey.
I worked with a vampire several years ago. She was constantly coming to me with her day-to-day problems – personal and business. She was a real Negative Nellie who brought the team down quite often. Anyway, one day, Negative Nellie came to me with a work related worry and I did what any bleeder does. I listened and helped her to work through her drama.
A few minutes later while I discussing a project with another co-worker, Negative Nellie interrupted us; she turned to me and said, “You know, you’re not always right. You make a lot of mistakes.”
I had no idea where the comment had come from or why she had gone on the attack. I assumed she was mirroring her shit onto me. Anyway, I summoned in my bubble and looked at her quite calmly, smiled and said, “That was harsh. What is it about you that leads you to believe that it is okay to take your frustrations out on me?” After a purposeful pause, I added, “ Really. What is it about you?”
With that one statement I created a question that may have or may have not forced Negative Nellie to take a look at herself. I asked a simple question – the right question, perhaps. What I was really asking her was, “What the fuck is your problem?”, but without the harshness and with the intent that this questions might just make the Vampire think. Probably didn’t, but that’s not my journey. My journey is about looking at me. And your journey is about looking at you.
Anyway, how do you remove a vampire from your life? Maintain a positive approach, keep your energy on a higher vibration (in other words, don’t sink to their level) and smile at them. That smile is as scary to them as a wooden stake is to real vampire.
Vampires are toxic people. Vampires want others to take on their shit. They don’t want to be accountable. They don’t want to admit that they have issues.
Taking on other people’s shit is a part of life. Most people do tend to absorb the energy of those around them without even knowing it. Other people’s perceptions of us can affect our own ideals.
As a child I was often worried about what other’s thought. As an adult, it doesn’t really bother me that much. I have embraced my bluntness, my strangeness and all of my quirks. Realizing that people love and respect me for who I am, rather than what they want me to be is huge. HUGE!
Remember, when you have a big personality, big energy or are just confident in your approach to life, people with low energy, no confidence and that are lacking in personal growth will find you scary – threatening – intimidating.
Another vampire I worked with once said, “You have huge energy. When you walk into a room, people know you’re there.”
I looked at her blankly and said, “Of course they do. I’m pushing 5’10”, I’m a strawberry blonde and to the people here I speak with an accent. “
She then said, “That’s not the point. You don’t know how you affect people. When you are in a good mood everything is fine, but when you are in a bad mood, you affect everyone.”
I made a joke of the comment, laughed and simply said, “Well, then, don’t piss me off”.
My laughter and bluntness knocked off her game and she just walked away.
Probably not the most grown up response in the world and not even one that I can say I was proud to deliver. What I am trying to say is this, it is really important that we don’t allow others to bring us down. Don’t allow others to take our character strengths and turn them into something bad. If they are threatened by you, it is their problem. It is about them and really has nothing to do with you.
Now, my energy isn’t a problem for me, but it was obviously a problem for her. And here’s the clincher – her problem, not my problem.
If you let a vampire know that they are not affecting you, it takes all of the sting out of their bite. Shrug off their attacks and put it back in their court. Remember, what is it about them that causes them to attack you?
Here’s a big warning — because you are dealing with an unaware person, they will often make it their mission to find a way to get to you. They can chip away at your confidence and pick at you until you explode. Do not let them win. When you blow up, it feeds them. Stay strong. Keep visualizing that your bubble is in place. If you are successful, they will either pick on someone else or they may become accountable for their shit, the sun will shine down on them and their old “self” will disappear in a puff of powder. That’s right. Just like a vampire.
If you are reading this and recognize that you are in fact a vampire, heed my warning. You may get away with behaving badly for period of time and you may enjoy some success temporarily. Just remember, the Universe will sort you out at some future point and I can assure you, you will not like the outcome. I have seen it happen many times in my life. Besides, if you are a vampire you really aren’t a happy person regardless of the face you show to the world. Get over yourself and love yourself enough to get professional help.
If you take pleasure in other’s unhappiness, take a good look at yourself. What is it about you that makes you a fanged menace? Why are you so unhappy with your lot in life that you feel the need to make others miserable?
And if you are a bleeder and are left depleted of energy by some people in your life, take a good look at yourself. What is it about you that allows others to suck the life out of you? Why do you love yourself so little that you allow other people to drain your energy? Don’t just stick a band-aid over the bite marks. Invest in your “self” and a find a professional to help you heal those wounds.